Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I wear drunk well.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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