I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
