She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
