I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize