yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
