It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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