i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
