Someone shit on the floor
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
