NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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