he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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