my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
