We're facebook friends in real life
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
