i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
