please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
