Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
