I just threw up on my dentist
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
