i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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