i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
