My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
