u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
