I wish my penis had an off switch
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
