Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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