WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize