It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
