You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
