I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
