did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
