I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
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We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
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I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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