I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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