I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize