I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
