I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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