I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
