come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
