and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
