The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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