Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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