But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
