just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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