In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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