Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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