Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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