from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The best revenge is premature balding
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
