theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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