Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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