At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
