the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
