Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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