i already hear my dad disowning me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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