So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
