No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just cropdusted the office
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
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I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
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Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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