Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
