Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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