i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
