woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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