So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
