i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
