we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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