farters have to be the big spoon...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
