Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
