His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
