Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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