i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
