It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
