How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
