now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
