I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
