we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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