Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
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I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
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I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!