If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think I died a long time ago.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey