You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries