your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
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i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
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The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating