my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes