i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
