Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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