it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
