dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
