True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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