How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
