Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
