can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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