right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
