He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
