Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
